The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
