That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
