I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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