so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so let's talk penis.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
