We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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