we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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