I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
