Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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