I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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