He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
