There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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