Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
