It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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