he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
