Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
