it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
