you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
