A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
false alarm. still invincible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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