Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you inspire me to be a worse person
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
