He had one of those small greek statue penises
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
