so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
