my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
