He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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