I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
