"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize