Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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