I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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