I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
