He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
