Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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