pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
