You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
