You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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