ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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