i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
