My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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