nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
