As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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