I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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