I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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