He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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