Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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