Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize