You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
