I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
