my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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