i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
