It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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