i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
