It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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