I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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