What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
