make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
soo... how was my night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
