I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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