If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Say something about gay babies.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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