I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
