beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
