it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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