I met the friendliest cop last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
