all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
