Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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