Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
