I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
