I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
