you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
