i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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