i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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