Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will pee on everything he values.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
