are you still at the devil's house?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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