its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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