apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
