Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
