Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
