just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
