Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
