I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
