well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
