We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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