ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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