sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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