he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
