There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
